BATHING UTOPIA


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2019-08-07 07.25.43 1.jpg

by MAJA


I have to say I'm no beauty guru. Not even close. My columns will be a mix of constructive complaining about the cosmetic industry and "this is what I learned today" moments. When I dived into the world of skincare, I never imagined how many rules and regulations there are. It's like a cosmetic jungle and I forgot my machete at home.

As for skin care, I only have the basics covered. I know that I have dry hands in the winter and that I absolutely need a cream for that, which I always forget to put in my purse. When the cold comes, however, my hands crack to the point when it starts to hurt. That's when I start to leave voicemails to people on WhatsApp because my fingers stop working. I also know that you shouldn't tear your cuticles, but I still do it. Ever since I was a kid. They obviously done something to me and I am punishing them diligently. This summer I had my first gelish. I was I bridesmaid to be clear. Otherwise I would probably never do it. One quick tip: When the gelish starts to move away from the nail, resist the temptation and don't try to pull it off yourself. Give that fifteen euros and have your esthetician remove it because it's not worth three weeks of painful and nasty nails. It really isn't.

My night routine is my morning routine in reverse. I cleanse my skin in the morning, apply face cream. Yes, I only have one, having two separate ones for night and day is just too hard for me. I then follow with make-up. In the evening, the make-up goes off and the cream comes on. I recently learned that micellar water should be rinsed off once I'm done with it. The molecules in it are enormous and, over time, they can clog your pores. There was also some mentioning of bacteria I think. I'm telling the truth, I swear! This was explained to me by a makeup artist on a photoshoot.

The weekends of my childhood were meant for bathing. I really disliked taking showers and was counting the days, hours and minutes till my next bath. The sound of water pouring into the bathtub and slowly filling it up was so nice and calming. And bubbles, I loved bubbles. On Sundays, my mom washed my hair because this was easiest to do in the bath. Now that I'm big I understand why, but back then it seemed like something really something special. When it was time to leave the bathtub, and slip in to a warm bathrobe, I always protested, despite the cold water and blue lips.

Now, a little short of twenty years later, I started despising bubble baths. And I really am amazed at the people who like them and take them at least once a week. I mean, in theory, the thing sounds quite romantic. You get your candles going, the light is soft and cosy, there's bubbles, maybe a glass of wine, a good book, a bit of music and that perfect "messy" bun that obviously only French girls know how to do. Again, all this in theory.

In practice, however, it just doesn't work. I have no room for candles on the edge of my tub. I could place them behind my head but if I turn off the light then there is not enough light to read because I am blind as a church mouse. I can't be on the phone because I'm worried it will fall into the water. And if I set up my computer and watch Netflix (please sponsor me), I have to sprain my neck in order to see the screen. My book gets wet and I can never fill the tub so much that my whole body is under water and my knees are always sticking out. But I always give it another go. I throw in a very fragrant and very colorful bath bomb, which I immediately regret doing as I know it will stain the tub and I'll have some hardcore scrubbing to do later.

I'm really not sure about this whole bathing scenario. Obviously, I can't relax or this is clearly not my way of relaxing. I get bored after five minutes of staring at the ceiling. The water is slowly getting lukewarm and then I'm just thinking about how I'm marinating in the colorful sauce of dead skin cells. Occupational deformity, I'm a biologist. I endure a maximum of fifteen minutes and in the end I have to take a shower. With cold water, because I used up all the hot water for the bath. Followed by the rubbing of the tub. If glitter is involved I quickly stop in despair. Glitter is forever, you never get rid of it.

For some, taking a bath is really nice. Some find them relaxing, some prefer salts instead of bubbles and colors (I still have to try that). In Asia, they first take a shower and then soak and this idea is not bad at all. And if you are one of those people, I applaud you! Treat yourself to as many baths as you can and enjoy. And don't forget that glass of champagne. And me, I'll just jump into the shower real quick.


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